Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
