good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
