Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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