Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
