You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
