your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
