Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
