I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
