I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
