But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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