Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
