Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
