Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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