She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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