On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
