Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
