i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
