I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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