I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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