im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
