I look better un-naked...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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