I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
