I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm too high and old for this...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
