worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
