curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
