Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
