OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
