no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
