i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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