she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
