tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
