He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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