can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
