The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
