i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
