mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
