Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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