TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We left the knife in your bed.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
