I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
