I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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