wat bout pragnant strippers??
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i drank out of a bidet.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
