You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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