I just found puke in my bra..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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