He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
