He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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