we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
