kristin has been a bad kristin
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
