I want to make a zoo with you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
