She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
