after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
