Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
