i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
