the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
